


When Everything Feels like the Movies

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009, Angst, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Skype, breaking up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-03-16 19:28:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3500159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil recounting Dan's and his relationship from 2009-2010</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Everything Feels like the Movies

**Author's Note:**

> Lol I'm flooding the tags lol (I'm so annoying I'm sorry...) This is based of Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls because I am a narcissistic little shit. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it <333

I remember how I always yawned when the lines between your face and eyes became blurry and my eyes slowly drooped shut. We were always talking for five hours straight and staring at my laptop screen for that long had never really been a pleasant experience.

You always offered me a dimpled smile while lying on your side, the jumper making you look smaller than your actual height. I smiled back at you. You were so adorable. I just wanted to hold you, to reach through my laptop screen and touch every inch of your body, I wanted to feel the texture of your skin and count the moles on your body and I just wanted you.

You made me feel things that shouldn’t be because it was sickening sometimes, talking to you but not being able to just feel you. But I never said anything about it and neither did you, because we understood each other. Despite the camera quality you were always somehow able to deduce how I felt with one look, and I could do the same with you.

And we could talk for hours one end without getting bored. There was just so much to do with you around. Even with the tiny view of you on my screen, I never knew where to look. You were just absolute perfection, your flaws flawless in every way possible. I never understood it when you told me I could do so much better than you. I couldn’t and I still can’t.

Paradise, heaven and home was what I associated you with. More so than my moms food and my own bed. And when we didn’t Skype, I felt homesick. I was growing dependant on you without even seeing you in person.

I couldn’t help it. Love is a strange thing.

I first realised that when you visited me. I remember how anxious you looked, hair ruffled and cheeks flushed. I think that you would’ve fled if I hadn’t seen you.

And when you finally stood in front of me, it clicked in my mind that you were real. You were real and there just for me. I didn’t  know how long we stood there, but I remember how you averted you eyes to the ground and I pulled you into a bone-crushing hug, because you were there and I could touch you.

Your arms circled around me hesitantly at first, and than you pulled me closer and I couldn’t breathe because you were all around me and I could smell you and feel you and I was surrounded by just you.

When you pulled away you just looked into my eyes and I stared back and we didn’t say anything because we both knew. We knew what this really meant and we knew how the other felt and what he thought.

And when we were walking away and you wrapped those long fingers around mine, I think my smile couldn’t get any bigger.

The next thing I remember is the Manchester Eye, because I cant forget that no matter how hard I try.

Our cart passed its highest point as the sun began to set. I remember how soft your face looked in that lighting, the pinks and purples and reds making it practically glow.

And I couldn’t look away. Your presence overwhelmed me. A beautiful boy like you should’ve been partying with their friends and have a girlfriend but instead you chose to spend time with me. And I couldn’t get over it because you were so gorgeous it hurt.

When you finally faced me I couldn’t take it anymore and I kissed you.

And suddenly your hands were fisted in my hair and my tongue was in your mouth and you were making all these whimpering noises and you just tasted like you and my head was screaming ‘Dan Dan Dan’ like it was the only word it knew and I almost passed out until you pulled back.

We stayed like that for the remainder of the ride, our foreheads touching and noses bumping. We just stared at each other like this would disappear if we looked away and I was breathing your air and you were breathing mine and it was the most intense thing I have ever felt.

Later that weekend, the night before you headed back to Reading, you snuggled up close to me and buried your head into my chest and then I asked you what was wrong and you broke down.

And I just held you for hours while you cried and whispered to me how unhappy you were and that you didn’t know what you wanted to do with your life but you couldn’t tell anyone because you didn’t think that they’d understand.

I just held you tighter when you whispered to me how scared you were that this would be fucked up and you just wanted me to know who you really were. And that made me sad because you were perfect and you didn’t deserve this and I realised I couldn’t always be there for you.

When you left, you kissed me one last time and you let go of my hand and sprinted to catch your train and I was left to stare, watching as the distance between us became larger and larger again with each passing second.

The weeks after that on Skype had been normal, but now that we had seen each other in person, it all hurt a lot more. So I wasn’t surprised when you told me you couldn’t do this anymore, because I had heard the pain in your voice every time you said ‘I love you’, and I noticed the tearstains on your cheeks, leftover from when you cried because I wasn’t there.

And we just carried on pretending nothing had happened between us because that made it easier. We still talked and joked and you came over a few more times but the mutual attraction was never brought up again and I thought I had gotten over you until you told me you had gotten yourself a boyfriend.

I swear to this day that my world came crashing down when those words left your mouth and you explained that you would be spending less time with me.

I was jealous, because I couldn’t have you, hurt, because you chose him over me, and betrayed, because this meant you didn’t need me anymore, but I didn’t get angry because I knew this was just your way of dealing with all of this, while I chose to bleed transparent until I was to tired to think anymore.

And two years later you suddenly showed up on my doorstep with bloodshot eyes and rumpled clothes  and I knew what had happened to you because otherwise you wouldn’t be here.

You just soundlessly walked in and stiffly threw your coat somewhere and before I could open my mouth you turned around and dropped on your knees and begged me to take you back, yelling about how wrong it had felt to be with him and how he had dumped you and it was so heart wrenching to see you crumple down in front of me that I couldn’t say no.

I picked you up bridal style and placed you onto my bed, laying besides you while you repeated everything you said two years ago and more, telling me how broken and afraid you still were and I just cuddled with you until your body stopped shaking and you calmed down.

And now that I see you like this, I feel so proud. I can see how much you’ve matured and adapted to life and everything it throws at you. And when you look up at me and show me your dimpled smile, I just fall ten times more in love with you, because no matter how much you’ve grown or how far you’ve come, a piece of you is still that adorable, innocent boy from six years ago.

**Author's Note:**

> this was also posted on my [tumblr](http://ninchuser.tumblr.com)


End file.
